Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow: Separation with a Capital "S"

Juliet:  

'Tis almost morning, I would have thee gone--

And yet no farther than a wan-ton's bird,
That lets it hop a little from his hand,
Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves,
And with a silken thread plucks in back again,
So loving-jealous of his liberty.

Romeo:  
I would I were thy bird.

Juliet:  
Sweet, so would I,
Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.
Good night, good night!  Parting is such sweet sorrow,
Thus I shall say good night till it be morrow.  



After four years of graduate school, and at least as many Shakespeare classes, I still have a hard time remembering what a "gyve" is.  At any rate, I've forgotten more than I care to admit, but I do know that Fall is in the air.  Fall with a capital "F."  I certainly remember Fall.  The nights are cooler.  Days are shorter.  Leaves are beginning to turn and drop (or depending on where you're at with drought, to shrivel up and turn to dust prematurely).  Dust or no dust, this time of year always inspires nostalgia in me, and a big dose of anticipation.


Many of my childhood memories are tied up with first days of school.  New scratchy clothes, riding the bus (with the older boy who picked his nose with his pencil, silently, for my terrified benefit), looking anxiously around for possible friends, getting used to a new teacher...it all comes back in memories, and dreams.  Sometimes those back-to-school dreams are just terrible!  I'm forty-one-years-old (oops, cat's out of the bag), and I'm a teacher myself, but I'm still plagued by a spate of those awful anxiety dreams each fall:  Missed the Bus, Can't Find My Class, Lost My Glasses, Can't Open My Locker, Forgot to Put on Pants, Peed My Pants (actually did that in the second grade, so that one is rather vivid)... on and on they go.  So, although I so look forward to welcoming new and returning students to my classroom each autumn, I know all-too-well how bittersweet the starting of school is.

My very wise colleague, Kris Rollwagen, always astutely reminds our staff that Separation, with a capital "S," or saying good-bye to a young student for the first time, is a whole curriculum unto itself.  And Separation, of course, is not just a matter of coping with tears at the classroom door, it is the reunion too, and how the child and her caretakers, negotiate the different worlds of school and home-- how they move between the two.  And this Separation curriculum doesn't come to a close in a month or two after the child has successfully adjusted to her new school.  No, parent and child keep growing through this process as it repeats itself and alters year in and year out with each new situation or activity beyond home.  During our professional development days this year, just before school started, I said, in a fit of hyperbole, "Separation is the beginning of a life-long process, from birth to death, the long good-bye that never ends."  Fortunately, Kris said, "Marlais!  I know what you mean, but I hope you don't say that to the new parents!"  So, I'm tattling on myself, but the point is that parting is a sweet sorrow, and a natural part of life.  Child and parent keep saying, "Good-bye," and, "Hello," as the child grows steadily into her or his own person.  Teachers realize that all new parents and new students must re-invent the wheel of good-bye when they come to preschool for the very first time.  New Parents, you are not alone in this big excitement and not-so-little grief and anxiety; each fall we teachers re-live a bit of the process through you and your children, and with each passing year, supporting you and bearing witness to your transition becomes a sweeter enterprise.  We see this beginning as part of the great adventure that is life, and all that is unknown and yet-to-be for your child.

This Fall, the Dodge Preschool open house for returning students, was terrific.  It was the best couple of hours I've had in a long time.  Not much compares with watching my old young friends become reacquainted with their classroom, their friends and their teachers.  This is the other side of the Separation coin.  When teachers have the good-fortune to work with the same kids over a span of years, like parents and caretakers, we get to watch them grow over that span.  That initial school trepidation is transformed into something truly magical.  The child returns to a place and people she knows well, and her anticipation balloons on the spot, as she imagines all the wonderful and exciting things that will transpire back in this familiar old place.  The returning student is the master of her domain, able to lend a hand to new students and to feel the joy and pride in being able to help others.  Energy, friendship and almost boundless goodwill were nearly palpable during that open house; kids were actually vibrating with eagerness.  So, New Families, you have this future sweetness to look forward to.  And the pattern will repeat throughout a child's schooling, on through college and even in the process of moving away and starting his or her own family; the "silken thread" is pulled back and forth between parent and child, each so "loving-jealous" of the other's "liberty":  Good-bye--Hello--Good-bye--Hello...

"Gyves" are shackles, by the way.  The gyves of autumn nostalgia sure are powerful.